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Teaching Children to Steer Clear of Kidnappers

Not long ago a mother was shocked to be reunited with her daughter. Twenty years before, the child had been kidnapped. Her case is not the only one of its kind as children are abducted and held against their will worldwide. We all want to believe that we live in a place where these things couldn’t possibly happen. Yet, we best protect our families by taking steps to prepare for the worst and develop guidelines to help keep us safe.

A SEDUCTIVE FALSEHOOD

A dangerous lie is a lie you want to be true. People believe these lies because the truth is something they don’t want to accept. “Do what I say, and you won’t get hurt,” is a lie as old as the father of lies. The desire to believe you won’t get hurt is so great that many people will obey. This is very similar to adults that refuse to allow themselves to consider that their children might need to know what to do if they are grabbed. The thought that a child could be taken is a parent’s worst nightmare.

BUT I DON’T WANT TO LIVE IN FEAR

One way parents and children can better secure themselves is by accepting that we live in a world where predators look for easy prey. Arm your children with the information they need to avoid being targeted and how to react if approached. Instead of being afraid, a child can gain confidence that he knows how to avoid dangerous circumstances and can immediately respond to an emergency.

UTILIZE TEACHABLE MOMENTS

Take the time to speak with your child about the definition of a stranger. Seize opportunities at home and while running errands to remind your child what he has learned.

• Show your child how to find a stranger that he can trust in an emergency.

• Play a game with your child to help him remember who is a stranger. Don’t forget that strangers aren’t always scary, funny looking or old. Sometimes bigger children will victimize smaller children.

• Libraries, police stations, restaurants, stores, homes of trusted family members or friends, community centers and other locations should be discussed and shown to the child as safe places he can go for help.

• Take your child people-watching and discuss the difference between someone who is polite and someone that is overly friendly. Help them identify when someone is ‘too’ nice or eerily perfect.

THINGS YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO KNOW

• Someone your child doesn’t know is a stranger.

• They should never go with someone they do not know (not even walking in the same direction), even if they seem nice.

• Strangers may attempt to lure a child into a house, building or car using toys or treats. An abductor may even know the child’s name, but a child should be trained to never go willingly even if offered these enticements. Instead, the child should loudly shout, “NO!” and run for help.

• If you are endangered, it’s okay to strike out and hurt an adult. A child should be made to understand that it’s not a bad or rude thing to run away and get help.

• A child should never help adults who claim to be in trouble and in need of assistance. Yell, “NO!” Get away and go for help. If an adult needs help, he or she can ask another adult to assist. Something is definitely not right when an adult seeks out a child for aid.

The following scenarios are to be avoided:

• Adults with a leash looking for a lost dog.

• Someone needing directions.

• Drivers asking for help with mechanical difficulties.

• Someone asking for help to find something in a car or house.

Implement these as soon as possible:

• Consider using a secret word so that a child knows you sent a trusted adult. If the person knows the child, but not the secret password, the child shouldn’t cooperate. Change the word often.

• Make it your custom to tell your child who and when another adult will be driving them.

• Make it a rule that your child will not accept a gift from someone they don’t know – especially when his parents aren’t present. Anything offered when parents are not there should be refused. A predator can use gifts as bait. A child can be drugged by doped candy or harmed by other items hidden in gifts.

• Children should trust their sense of danger. If a situation makes a child feel threatened tell him to run. They should run for help if they feel scared. By RUNNING to the nearest safe place, a child can then locate an adult and ASK FOR HELP.

• It is more important to be safe than it is to be polite. It’s better safe than sorry.

• When dealing with a stranger that is threatening, remember the three R’s: Recognize, Respond and Report.

ROLE PLAY; MAKE IT A GAME

• Take on the role of a stranger and pretend to ask for directions or try to get your child to help you find a lost pet.

• Show the children how to keep a safe distance – beyond arm’s reach.

• Show your child how to run away if the stranger gets too close or grabs another child. Talk about why they should run for help if another child is grabbed and not stay there.

• Help your child practice how to yell and scream effectively to attract the most attention.

• Help your child learn how to break an abductor’s grip by kicking and twisting.

• Show your child how to claw an abductors face (eyes, ears, mouths & nose) with their fingers to get away.

BECOMING AN UNAPPEALING TARGET

• Train your children to remain in a group and look out for others.

• Train children to never go with those who invite them to leave the group.

• Always walk or play with a safe buddy or in a group.

• Require children to check with you first before leaving your home or some other location.

• Talk with other parents in your community about these guidelines for child safety.

By incorporating these guidelines as part of your normal routine, your child should not become afraid. Just as you would wear safety-belts in a car, look both ways at an intersection and wash hands before meals, these suggestions can be taught as part of ongoing well-being.

For more helpful tips like this, visit No Greater Joy - a ministry dedicated to sharing the principles of wholesome child training and joyful family relationships.

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